Drama Queen, with Rose Colored Glasses

Life Optimism - Weekend in Review

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 17:11:06 GMT

Hmm .. July was a long time ago ... so here's a new update :P

What an *interesting* weekend! My life is never boring - let's put it that way.

Went down to visit my friends and had a great time. We saw 300! WOO! Fabulous movie! Then spent Sunday gaming a bit, hit up the mall and then went out to dinner. Didn't sleep much all weekend, but thats ok - thats what the work week is for.

This weekend got me thinking ...

I have AWESOME Friends that support me in all my crazy schemes and love me unconditionally

I have a new class that I enjoy :) And I AM going to compete and I AM going to practice ... I just have to get my schedule under control! but damn it - i AM going to do it - I NEED to do it :) TKD!!!

I think I may start gaming again ... it makes me excited to think about it - i just get nervous about it absorbing my life again. But we will see. I want to meet people and this IS an interest of mine - so we shall see :)

And work - well - as I was once told - you work to support your hobbies. Work is just a job that enables you to do the things you love ...

I have a great life and I even have people to share it with ... what more could a girl want? (except more sleep time ... ) :P

I have FRIENDS

I have people who LOVE me

I have a fantastic FAMILY

I am finding new HOBBIES

I am going to suceed ... I am going to be what I want to BE (in the ARMY .. j/k)

*loves*

And!! I have HKMLS! ;) mwahaha

I'm ALIVE!! (I promise!)

Sun, 30 Jul 2006 15:45:06 GMT

Quick update -

I'm currentlky living in Philadelphia, PA! Moved here June 18th and have been working and working out ever since :)

Well, sort of working out. I walk 15 minutes to and from work every day and also walk all around the city, unless I hop public tansit.

I'm still with my company and am learning all sorts of new and interesting things. I still have boxes staked in the house that NEED to go to storage badly, but I have not the means to do so yet.

And now, I think Im going to head to CVS and the cafe to do a bit of reading and writing in peace with the public. hehe

I know, its not a huge entry, but my brains a swirling, and Im not sure what to say.

Life got a bit worse before it got better; but it's LOADS better now - so YAY! hehe

Laters ya'll!!

~T

Weddings in the Air :)

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 02:51:47 GMT

So my Mom was married for the second time this weekend. I was the Maid of Honor and Shawn, he was my escort and stood on stage with us all. My mom was beautiful, and Richard so very handsome. I wrote them a heartfelt prose piece and a poem/speech that I read at the toast. I was able to see my whole family - both my Mom's and step dad's and it was wonderful. Shawn made me laugh and smile the whole day and I began to realize for the hundreth time just how happy he makes me. How much fun we have and how crazy that boy is and how he helps me let loose and just have fun.

He also told Em a bunch of sweet things and some of those she shared with me ... it just made me smile even more :) And glow ... and made me think of my own wedding day. You know, I've not ever really thought of my own wedding ... never thought of what I'd want, or anything. Really the only thought I ever had was that it would be a HUGE reception since I have 4 families to invite for just my side ...

And ... it was just a wonderful weekend home, and a time that I was able to share with Shawn and that, that was amazing.

Now Im exhausted and need to get to work early for a breakfast function for 200 people! AHHH! lol

Crazy AND Vain

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 23:50:31 GMT

YAY!!! LOL not ...

You scored as Malkavian. You belong to the Malkavian bloodline. The Malkavians are blessed with an "inner sight" which often gives them great perception and even clairvoyance. Many are sought for their counsel and insight. The drawback, however, is that they are all entirely insane. If a vampire is speaking in obscure riddles, it's a fair bet they are of Malkavian blood.

</td>

Malkavian

63%

Toreador

63%

Ventrue

50%

Tremere

46%

Brujah

46%

Gangrel

38%

Nosferatu

25%

What vampire clan do you belong to?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Toreador. You belong to the Toreador bloodline. Often regarded as vain or shallow, the Toreador are blessed with a striking, almost supernatural beauty. Toreador are so driven by the pursuit of beauty that they are often highly connected with art, music, or theater. While they do have a uncanny ability to seduce and manipulate mortals, many other vampires simply dismiss them as decadant pretty-boys.

</td>

Malkavian

63%

Toreador

63%

Ventrue

50%

Tremere

46%

Brujah

46%

Gangrel

38%

Nosferatu

25%

What vampire clan do you belong to?
created with QuizFarm.com

Vision, Focus, Goals

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 00:47:30 GMT

Three words that have been swirling through my tired brain today, this weekend, and this past week. What is my vision? What are my goals? Where did my focus go?

After talking to two of the (3-5) people that know me best, I have divised this semi plan.

Long term I would like to obtain the following jobs in this order:

within the next 6-9months - Conference Planner
Within the next 3-5 years - Conf. Planning Director
Within the next 5-7 years - Director of Operations

After that, or while doing all that I would like to look for a place to potentially open my own cafe/restaurant/bookshop. I need change - I know this about myself, I also know that I cherish stability. It is always an internal struggle with me and it pops up every 3-6 months. Life will be going along fine and then one or two changes will occur and its fine, I iron them into the routine, but when things start to change a lot or when I lose my focus, things get all outta whack again. I didn't notice this as much in school, but I guess experience is the best thing to learn from. I knew just a few days ago what was happening, at least I recognized the signs in my physical, emotional, and mental state. Putting together all the reasons took a little longer, but now that I recognize whats going on - I can work to fix it.

Shawn thinks that a change of company (business wise) would be good for me. I believe it may be a good idea, but not just yet. I want to stay with ARAMARK for at least another year or 2 ... then I will see what happens. Unless of course, something happens now and I have an opportunity to take.

After that I still want to try for director of Ops, just so I will know how to run a whole facility opporationally, then I will be all set to own and run my own business. I know it seems all so cut and dry from this little outline, but at least I have that.

And as my friends mentioned, if you concentrate on your own job, the promotions will come - because your team will shine for you (because of you) & you need change, and I'm more of a macro person than I believed... I knew/know that I am, but I forget that at times ...

My vision, to create the best team possible to get the job done right, before the client even asks ...

Dreams - Porcupines& Parrots

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 03:28:31 GMT

I had a dream last night about graduation. Tracy, Jason, Josh R, Kristin, Heather, Aubry(?), Jeremy, Danielle (from SNHU),Rusty, Jason Grant(?), manda C ... and a bunch of others were there. People from all times in mypast. The girls weere in white robes, the boys in navy blue. We went all around and then were seated in this huge auditorium. We watched this slide show thing and as it was going on, everyone was leaving. Finally it was just a few people for the ceremony, and no one was going to go get their diplomas - they just kept leaving. It was at this point that I saw Kristin, eyes all red and puffy from crying and it was then that I started to realize i would possibly never see these people again. They were all going their own ways.

A few moments later I was sitting again, trying to throw my robe on because it was time to go down to get my diploma. Something happened and there is Mum and I, sittting in the stands and the woman is there holding out this plater like thing with an orange flower, kinda 70's ish in style, and says do you swear by this? Hold your hand over it and then trace your initials over a door. I didnt quite understand the Door part, but I held my hand over the book and asked for happiness and success for my career from the education I received. Then I traced my initials and she started to move on to the next person. She did one other person then came back and took and knob on the side of the "book" thing, turned in and pulled. Suddenly two secret passages were opened and two small charms fell to the floor. She thouht only one came out and when she handed me the one, she said this is .... this is .... yours (something to do with a message from your Angel?) As she started to move along there came some confusion because the other people saw the 2nd fall out too. When they handed it to her, the woman said, and this is your guardian animal. The first charm was a parrot, and the second a porcupine. At first I couldnt tell, but the more I looked at the almost flat, yet 3 dimentional figures (no bigger that an inch long) there was AMAZING detail. They were small, light weight wood, and yet the quills could move if "fluffed" a bit. Mum thought they were amazing in their detail as well, and kept telling me not to move them. The eyes of the porcupine were awesome too - in their small carved detail. The figures could not have been more than 1/8 of an inch thick, if that. The parrot was more one sided, and I did not look it over as much, because the porcupine seemed more important.

After that I started to wake up ....

I have a feeling it was a message of some sort. That I must start moving on from all that in my past. That they are leaving as well, living their own lives, and now its time for me to go my own way too. I stayed around to make sure I got what I needed, and saw the others go, and now its ok for me too as well. There will be some tears, but its time for something new. And as for the book with secret doors and the figures ... Im not quite sure. Maybe I talk too much and I can get spiny? lol

Any thoughts?

Meme time!

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 21:45:36 GMT

You are a Taurus, the sign of commen sense. You
have the traits of a great friend, you are
loyal, affectionate, patient, dependable,
strong, generous, gentle, and comforting. NO
ONE can make you do anything you dont want to
do. You are quiet, calm, and serene. Well, that
is until someone bugz you, then , WATCH OUT FOR
THOSE HORNS!! You are a practical earthy sign,
and you tust what you feel, see, hear, taste,
or smell.

-your colors are green for the earth on which you
dwell and baby blue for that great blue thing
we call the sky!

-your metal is copper

-your precious stone is emerald

-your day of the week is friday

-the parts of the body that you rule are the throat
and neck!!

-your best love matches are your own taurus, virgo,
capricorn, or cancer

What is Your TRUE Astrology Sign? (for guys and girls with incredibly detailed answers and incredible pictures+READ MEMO PLEASE)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmm, this could be very true :D

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 14:16:06 GMT

Dear Tia,
Here is your horoscope
for Thursday, August 18:

Feel like a thoroughbred stuck in a race with a bunch of newborn colts? It might be time to take yourself into a level of competition that matches your skills. You know you're ready.

And this comes after I was told that my name has been mentioned for possible promotion ... *GLEE*

B96 & Mariah Carey

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 08:02:03 GMT

So I saw mariah tonight! For about 1 seconf I was less than 5 feet away. She was the guest of honor at a B96 bash at the Harrison.

more on it later - but I must say she's kinda short and absolutely gorgeous :)

Right now I've been up for almost 22 hours and I worked my ass off today - so Im going to crash ... I promise - more details later.

NIGHT! kutjfgjfjn cmmn,..............

Why I love my Job

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 11:12:01 GMT

It takes a certain type of person to tolerate and to even find joy and pleasure and satisfaction from the hospitality industry. And I know I am that kind of person - this week is the proof. Usually I do not mind the crazy hours or the insane clients - but my god, this week ... here let me share my week with you:

Monday - 12 hours
Tuesday - 14 hours
Wednesday - 11 hours
Thursday - 12.5
Friday - estimated 19 hours

Thats 49.5 hours by thursday and an estimated 68.5 hours this week. And this isn't desk work. Nooo this is running. And carrying tables and chairs and being the A tech. This is getting frantic calls at HOME at 10pm from clients sying, "you have me in the wrong room with the wrong set-up - FIX IT by 7am!!" when I have to be AT work at 6am anyway. This is doing the schedule, doing ordering, calling teammates at home, making last minute changes ALL WEEK (b/c of crazy clients) and helping my team all day because the work load is really for about 4 ppl, and I only HAVE 2 am and 2 pm people.

So yes, it takes a special kind of person to do this and not crack. Sometimes I wonder if anyone really understands the hospitality industry if they don't have that passion and have never really step foot in a full service hotel/restaurant. Because as much as I might complain - it also gives me a high when I know Im doing, and I know Im doing it RIGHT. ... and honestly - I am ;)

Off to work - Im almost running late!!

Oh and JOY!! I'm averaging $7.83/hr this week - gotta love salaried management!!!

Let it be so

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 10:37:25 GMT

Dear Tia,
Here is your horoscope
for Thursday, August 11:

You've got major resources at your disposal -- major inner resources. Concentrate on how to access those, and you just might find that some outward circumstances shift to accommodate you.

I don't usually put much stock in horoscopes, but if this one has any meaning st all, I hope the Lord and Lady are helping me out. I have a few things I need to figure out and straighten out ...

Back to work .... 60+ hrs this week, I can feel it!!

ooo ooo oooo! PRETTY!

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 04:36:41 GMT

Greens are some of the most powerful and
intelligent people in the aura spectrum. Greens
are extremely bright. They process information
and ideas quickly; jumping from steps one to
ten. They do not like dealing with all the
steps and details in between.

What Is Your True Aura Colour?
brought to you by Quizilla

Out of all the results - this does seem to fit best!

Daily Horoscope

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 15:38:39 GMT

Dear Tia,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, August 8:

A few people have their eyes on you, all for different reasons. Someone thinks you'd make the perfect sweetheart. Someone else wants to move you on up at work. It's all up for grabs if you want it.

Hmm .. promotion? added responsibility? And whose looking at me now!?! lol Life sure does go through interesting stages ... hehe

How interesting ...

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 01:07:42 GMT

You are the mystical anime. You are different.
people usually dont hang out with you with your
magic talk, but your friends are usually closly
knit. you are mestyrious people dont know much
about you. now your anime self...you have black
eyes to represent the mystery in yourself. Her
hair is extremly long and black.she enjoys
doing magic ritchuals (wich actually work in
the anime world!) and knows how to use
Telekinesis. she uses the moon charts in her
room to know when to do her rituals and has a
huge array potions. she has a gruop of friends
who love magic like her. shes not a goth but
fits into dark category. you like to associate
with the lively anime because they have
something inside them to relate to you...
Favorate Magical Creature: Basalisk (giant
snake) Animal:Cobera Gem:black pearl
Element:Electricity Weapon of Choice: none! you
use your Telekenetik powers and magic to fight,
but if you absoloutly NEED a melee weapon you
can use your tantos in your room... c my other
quizes ,r8, and message plz! c other results if
you are confused

Your anime self!!! .::anime pics!::. (girls only sry ppl)
brought to you by Quizilla

So true in SO many ways!

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 11:19:23 GMT

Dear Tia,
Here is your horoscope
for Friday, August 5:

Holding a grudge? Well, put it down -- your arms must be exhausted from gripping onto it for so long! Once you do manage to lay down your resentment, you'll be astonished at how light you feel.

Hmm work? Personal? - doesn't matter, because in both, I feel SO much better now :)

Weekly Weigh-In

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 02:07:48 GMT

YAY!! I've LOST weight and INCHES!!!

Starting weight (July 11): 267.5
Current Weight (Aug 4): 258.5

Waist: 4 inches lost
Hips: 1 inch lost
Thighs: 1 inch lost
Lower Ab: 1 inch lost
Bust: 1/4 inch lost
Bicep: 1/4 inch GAIN
Calf: same

I know it's only 9 lbs in a month ... but I was also SICK for 2 weeks, and the medicine I was on made me an eating machine!! But I ate healthy foods, veggies & fruits. Cut back on the meats and fats, and drank GALLONS of water. So it paid off!

Today I was finally well enough to work out and I did my 3 sets of 40 crunches (20 reg & 20 w/ hesitation)
20 "all the way ups" with the yoga ball
12-15 leg lifts with the yoga ball (lower ab exercise)
3 loops on the circuit (1 full workout)
20-25 minutes on the treadmill at 3.2-3.5 mph

And I feel GREAT!! I wasn't expecting to lose weight yet, as I thought I was just eating too much when I was sick - but I DID!! YAY!!!

*does the super happy dance!*

I need some help ...

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 11:19:34 GMT

I don't normally ask for help ... but I feel as though it's time for me to reach out and ask.

I need to DO something with my life. I have been holed up again to long ...

Any ideas of what a person with my interests could do with her extra time? (reading, fantasy, martial arts, Earth-based Religion, spirituality, backstage Theater stuffs, sexuality, counceling, tutoring ... etc - the list goes on and is rather varied)

I need ideas that will get me out of the house and meeting people ... GOOD people not BAR people ...

Any ideas? Also, I live an hour North of Chicago and I find its hard to get myself motivated to get down there .. although after a recent call to a friend - lol that may change. It's amazing how friends can motivate people ... lol

This is cute ...

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 02:36:29 GMT

You scored as Hermione Granger. You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out.

</td>

Hermione Granger

80%

Albus Dumbledore

75%

Ron Weasley

65%

Sirius Black

60%

Remus Lupin

60%

Draco Malfoy

45%

Harry Potter

45%

Ginny Weasley

45%

Severus Snape

35%

Lord Voldemort

30%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com

ER visits, time off (w/ work), & Warm Memories

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 00:02:54 GMT

Let's do a REAL update ... shall we?

The History of the IllnessThe weekend of July 16th I went to Boston to attend the wedding of one of my roommates from college. It was great trip - I got to see some Boston Friends and some SNHU friends and had a great time. The trip home was a bit of hell as I was stuck overnight in NYC and ended up spending about $150 I didn't REALLY have. That night I got upset with Shawn a bit and that started a mini spiral in me - a wake up call of sorts to my own behavior.

When I got back I felt a little under the weather, but didn't think anything of it. Either Tuesday or Wednesday Shawn came down to see me and I felt like crap - cold, feverish, and tired! And I was coughing a bit. No keep in mind I sat on a plane on the ground for a good ... 4-6 hours total!! Nasty recycled air ... </lj>

So Shawn made me soup and kept me company and I worked my ass off at the Harrison. One of my 3 full time employees was still on vacation, one was (still is) on Medical leave, and the other cannot work till 5pm. So that left me, Dawn (until she left), Krystal (Dawn's replacement) and my boss, and a new temp to run the mornings at work - with a HUGE (120ppl)crazy ass freaking group that didnt have ANYTHING planned. They changed things all day and every night we had to flip almost all their meeting rooms. needless to say I worked myself into the ground and ended up in the ER Thursday night, because I couldnt breath very well. 8.5+ hours, many puncture wounds to the arm (due to rolling veins) and 1 cat scan later - I was released with Viral Bronchitis and notice that I could return to work asap. yeah right ... I should mention now that I have ASTHMA!

I took friday off and the weekend to recouperate a bit. Shawn and I had a mini .. discussion Saturday night, which gave me enough energy to semi deep-clean (and cleanse) the house before he arrived, and we had a very good heart to heart. The next day - still kinda sick, and 110 degrees out - we traveled up to his Grams 70th Bday bash. Had a wonderful day and he spent that night with me too!!

The next day my team was still down to the new temp and now minus Dawn & Susan - so I needed to go in early. Monday & Tuesday I worked myself into a tizzy again, and once again ended up in the ER Tuesday night. I called my Dr. that afternoon and set up an appointment with him Wednesday morning, but I just couldnt get the weight to leave my chest ... so ... I went for a breathing treatment. The drugs prescribed by the first ER trip were done that morning - so this Dr. gave me a steroid shot in my butt to boost up the lung functionality and gave me two breathing treatments - which once it all worked together - was like heaven on the half shell!!! I could BREATH!!! without coughing my insides all over the pavement and without feeling like I had a 20lb weight on my chest. It was fantastic!!

The next morning was my regular Dr. visit and he said, "uh uh, you are not going back to work until Monday, Aug. 1!! Tia, you've been in the ER twice! You need to rest and take your medicine and get OVER this. I do not want you back in the ER - and I know if I send you back to work, you will not take it easy." Is it scarey that my Dr knows me this well, and I've only been seeing him since October? lol I also almost cried - because that's exactly what I needed to hear, what I wanted to hear - "don't go to work!" I was just TIRED.

So ... I talked to Shawn and he came down Thuraday afternoon, to spend a few days in with me during my "bed rest." And, it was probably the best thing I could have asked for. We relaxed, got movies from the library ... developed pictures and cooked for each other. We spent time cuddling and sleeping ... and just talking. Watched some WEIRD ass freaking movies ... but oh well ... better luck next time.

I do have to say "The Emperor's Club" was good,
I DETEST "I Huckabees" ....
"The Good Girl" was aight - if a bit of a mind fuck after "huckabees"
And "Punch Drunk Love" - WTF?! We only got through the first 10-15 minutes - if that ...

Now on the cue is "Mystic River" - my pick ... ;) hehe And I shall watch it myself as Shawn had to leave to go to work around 12 this afternoon.

In other news I still worked from home. Susan wasn't due back till THIS Friday, so from home I did my team's assignment sheets and the schedule, as it really is Krystal's second week and she's still trying to get HER job down. Susan called me yesterday - and as Shawn pointed out - I was on the phone with her over an hour trying to get everything straightened out ... She thinks I burned myself out ... not just in sickness but that I physically burned out. Maybe I did a little bit - I mean a lot happened - Dawn left, I got sick, Susan left, I had no readily available team members ... it was a lot ...

But I feel better mentally now. I feel more able to tackle what I'm thrown and Im ready to jump in and do it all again. I learned a few things from this whole experience.

1. That work does go one without me
2. My health is most important - more important than work
3. My BF loves me tremendously, and I need to take those moments to relish in it
4. When I take those moments - the world stands still and all is at PEACE
5. My house will NEVER be 100% clean, but doing laundry at home does have its benefits ... *will keep this in mind in the future*
6. Prendazoine (sp?) (drug) makes me VERY hungry ...
7. Health food really isn't that bad
8. Cooked veggies are edible when stir fried with chicken and eaten with brown rice ... hehe

So now ends my HUGE post ... but Im glad to have chronicled it all here ... it shall be a good reminder to my crazy self in the future ...

Thanks for reading and please do stop by again ;)

~*~ Doors open to the left, please take all your belongings and nasty germs with you~*~ hehe mwahahaha

Just to join the Crowd ...;)

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 03:57:07 GMT

the Idiot Savant

(30% dark, 56% spontaneous, 44% vulgar)

your humor style:
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT

You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.

Because it's so easily appreciated, and often a little physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. But most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but ironically, that definitely indicates you're smarter than most.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 9% on dark

You scored higher than 76% on spontaneous

You scored higher than 76% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

The Beach, Deep Cleaning, and Other Thoughts ..

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 04:39:42 GMT

Two full plays through of my Evenecence Cd & my Train Cd and my house is finally fairly presentable to other human beings!! araathwen I have NO idea how you do this all the time. I read your entries about doing endless laundry, mopping floors, not once, not twice but close to 4-5 times a day, and keeping up with 5 kids and numerous pets! HA!! *hands you a crown, a castle and your own island ... * I give you mad props because all I did was do groceries, clean the kitchen (sans mopping), deep cleaned the bathroom, and took care of the laundry from 2 weeks ago as well as putting the dirty laundry in the then emptied baskets and I feel like I could sleep forever, plus my back is a bit achy.

Of course this *IS* after spending a few hours at the beach ... which I thought I had been careful. HA!!! HA!!! HA!!! Yeah right! lol My face and shoulders are fine - *thankfully* ... but my legs are a nice shade of steamed lobster red - well maybe just a nice deep pink is a better description (complete with a nice CLEAR panty line!!) - but I swear - if the boy or anyone else decides to slap me, they had best have a tombstone picked out, because I am a WIMP when it comes to burns!!!! lol

The beach was nice though :) I don't remember the sand ever being QUITE that hot on the Atlantic coast, but I could be wrong :) And it IS nice to have my house 75% picked up and clean. Now I just need to do the living room and DUST *shudder* and vacuum and it will be done :) oh and do all that dirty laundry ... oops ;)

Ok the back is feeling all pinched and achy so that means its time to lay down and rest. Plus, Shawn should be here soon. *grins* The Boy is so nice to me, he's driving the 2.5 hours down after getting outta work at 10:00 :) *le sigh* I can't wait to cuddle :)

Night ya'll :)

Happiness

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 11:24:02 GMT

I never thought I would be asking this question - but what does True Happiness feel like? I have an idea - it's when you are so filled with positive energy that you think you will burst. Is this what love feels like as well? A swelling of warmth and goodness inside?

Is true happiness a feeling you can sustain for days on end? Is it a feeling that you can have for an extended period of time? Or is it more of an overall feeling? And what is it to be "happy" with what you do for a job? And love? is that the same? Highs and lows but mostly high over time?

I have been asked "what will make you happy? What can you do that will make you happy?" And ... I don't know. I am generally a positive bubbly person. I make the best of what I'm given and make people happy and balanced. I've never really sought out my OWN happiness, I just - it's just not something I have ever done. If I don't like a job, I leave or if I don't like a situation I will avoid it, unless forced to confront it. But is that the same as finding happiness? I don't think so.

Maybe I am thinking too much. Pennies for your thoughts, please!

The Goal Driven Life

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 11:08:29 GMT

Starting this morning, I am going to make the best of my life - for better or worse. I am going to stop being negative, as I do not like the person it has turned me into. As my therapist would say, Sometimes, the familiar is not always better.

You are right, I have bitched a bunch about work - it's an American human thing I think, to take the good for granted and therefore down play it, and to then concentrate more on "what went wrong." I shall look at the next few months as a FUN challenge to myself - to see what type of manager I can be. Yes, it will be tough, but I have had overcome many "tough" things in my life - that which does not kill me makes me stronger.

Which brings me to goals. You're right - I don't have many life goals:
1. Gain a Career for myself
2. Get married, and have 1-3 kids.

But Goals as you speak of them are foreign to me. My career IS my gift to the world. Making the world a better place one hospitality at a time; whether that be a cup of coffee, a warm meal, or by just being able to take a few minutes of peace in a warm, comfortable place.

I see myself sheltering and nuturing people. MY home would be a place of refuge for many people, as Mimi's was. I believe I've also seen/read/heard of the concept in afew other places. Homes where people re-learn basic domestic skills while healing themselves from a multitude of hurts.

There would also be my Cafe. After working in the management world - it scares me because what is done by many would then be done by myself. I need to learn more about it before I start - as well as finding a place for it. Maybe it will always be a dream.

I see myself living, but not working. Is that what it means to have a job you love? How do I make money by helping others? By opening my doors to the world? Do I just trust in Faith? Maybe that is the answer.

Regardless - These are my early morning thoughts. One last one - I do need sleep. I know I say this all the time, but I have been running on 5-6 hours a night or less this week, and my body is tired. I must rest more before I will truely be back to me.

Thank you for your insistance, just don't push too hard - these are not answers I can come up with easily, but I know why you asked the questions. Sometimes the focus gets skewed and I get cranky :P
So thank you for that and for being my Teammate - I have gone it alone so long, that I'm not sure quite how to do a team approach. And, some roads are ment to be walked alone - but a map is always helpful :)

Toad-ally Cool!

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 22:04:22 GMT

hehe the first is right ...

You are a Toad - croak! Meaning you are a
fairly, normal person (well,if you can all
anyone normal - that is.) You are mostly a
happy person, getting on with your life with
only a few croaks and moans along the way. You
are also a very, practical person and probably
quite a hard worker. You enjoy the simple
things in life like the company of your
friends, going shopping or to the cinema,
reading a good book and being with your family
or loved one.

Your good points are that you
are even tempered, fairly happy go lucky and a
good friend to have around. Your bad points are
that you sometimes lack the drive to succeed,
being happy with what you already have. Which,
really isn't such a bad point at all.

Mostly
content with your life, you are a happy,
well-rounded person.

Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

The second is ... not so right ...

Your Expression Number is 5

A total multi-tasker, you have a wide variety of talents.
You're very versatile and able to change at a drop of a hat.
A free spirit, you crave change and adventure.

Clever and quick witted, you can convince anyone of anything.
You can do anything you desire... though this sometimes gets you in trouble!
Very popular, you're always thinking up new ways to entertain and amuse your friends.

Your restless and impatient attitude means you don't stay with projects for long.
You tend to be erratic and scattered - it's hard for you to focus.
You often find yourself in a state of flux with constantly changing interests.

What's Your Expression Number?

Blargh

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 23:47:49 GMT

Sooo sleepy ... I am supposed to wash the dishes tonight and cook off the rest of the brauts before they go bad - but I do not know if I have enough energy. I have worked 36 hours in the past 3 days - which in reality isn't much ... but still 12 hours on Tuesday, 14 yesterday and 10 today - and today was the SHORT day! My feet are killing me because I thought it would be "nice" to wear my new CUTE shoes yesterday - I will now refer you all back to the part where I said yesterday was the 14 hour day ...

Yes so my feet are quite tender and my body is DONE. Everyone at work has been bitching and whining and being all together crappy and I SWEAR the new motto is, "If YOU can't handle it - give it to Susan, Dawn, & Tia" meaning we get stuck with all the "extra" work that other departments can't handle just because we seem to know - no, we DO know what the hell is going on. So .... long story short - It's been busy as hell and even now my team is starting to crumble a bit - so I know I gotta step it up and get stuff done. Which is what I started to do today. I at least got my BEO book back up to date and got some of my "to go through pile" sorted - In between helping my team and keeping after my new hire.

On other fronts I had a *VERY* frightening dream in which I was pregnant with and gave birth to TWINS. A boy and girl ... whom I wanted to name with "A" names. And a bunch of people were in the dream including Shawn (my boy, and who, yes was the father), my mom, Nikki, Martha, and some other peeps from work I think. I actually remember dreaming of childbirth (sans pain), and then apparently I had them, held them - then took off for the night and the next morning I was a state away and couldn't find my babies. I was scared that I had become pregnant - was kinda amazed at having twins, and then didn't seem overly concerned that I "lost" them, except that everyone was all shocked and had the whole, "you were PREGNANT? where are the kids?!" and I was upset that they were upset. Weird ass dream and had me scared shitless this morning ...

I'm seriously considering getting a pregnancy test just because ...

Other than that I had a minor breakdown last night and this morning. but between talking to Shawn and my mom I am MUCH better - and even Susan was a bit happier with my performance.

So now ... Im going to go munch a bit more then try to figure out if I have enough energy to do the dishes ... lol

Night ya'll ...